I'm still Here
by Kenobi417
Summary: Satine is devastated by the loss of an old friend, but things aren't always as they seem.


Duchess Satine's holoprojector started beeping, disrupting her thoughts from politics. Finally, she thought with a smile, something else to do. Without thinking anything of it, she set down her datapad, and answered. She was slightly surprised to see that it was her friend Padmé Amidala. Although they did communicate some after she herself had come to Mandalore. They had grown close and shared similar ideals. The Senator had told her that she wished she could be neutral in the war and the politics, which was news the the duchess. Padmé was one of the most revered and important senators in the Republic. How many other worlds wished the same?

"Padmé, it's good to see you," the duchess greeted. "What can I do for you?"

The senator seemed to stiffen, and Satine got a knot in her stomach. Padmé only did that when something was troubling her, or if there was danger. What she didn't understand is why she would be calling her and not some other Senator. Surely the duchess couldn't do anything about it. Unless it directly affected her.

"Is something wrong, senator?" she quietly asked.

"I'm afraid so…" The pain in her voice was very obvious. It sounded as if she had been crying.

"Well, what it is?" the duchess asked, panic rising throughout her body.

The next three words that spilled out of the senator's mouth rocked Satine's entire world. Her heart shattered in a million pieces, her soul was crushed. Nothing in the universe could measure up to the pain Satine Kryze was feeling in that very moment. She had seen her planet rise and fall, her parents killed, her brother, too. And her sister had betrayed her. But this… this surpassed all of those things ten times over.

"Obi-Wan is… dead."

At first, not a single thought came to her mind, her mouth just hung open for a while until the weight of the weight of the words began to settle on her. Her face paled, her head and heart pounded furiously, the room spun and her stomach lurched. Tears threatened to flood the entire room, but the duchess would not cry. She couldn't. She wouldn't. It couldn't be true. The Jedi had survived twenty some years through missions, wars, and protecting her all those years ago. Obi-Wan Kenobi was a strong man, and was not easily defeated. Whoever was responsible for bringing an end to him must've been a very skilled adversary.

"I'm so sorry," Padmé whispered. "I know this has been laid on you very suddenly, it was for all of us too."

A lump formed in the duchess' throat. When she opened her mouth to speak, no words could come. Obi-Wan, she thought. Oh, Obi. Please, no… She had never felt so helpless. The year the spent together with his master was one of the hardest years of her life up until that point, but she had Obi-Wan with her. Bashfully but sweet, he would talk to her, doing his best to offer comfort in times that threatened to take away the last of her hope. Memories crashed over her like a wave. The nights where they were alone when Qui-Gon had gone off and told them to stay where they were. Those nights had been special, and she got to know him very well. The fourth night they were left by themselves was the night she realized there was something special about him, and she found herself looking at him a little longer than necessary, then blushing and looking down at the ground. However, she wasn't alone in this. Rarely, she would catch him looking at her and his cheeks and the tips of his ears would redden, and he would quickly try and find something else to look at. The sixth night, they had a very deep conversation about the Jedi Code, which agonizingly slowly led to him admitting his feelings for her, and his face lit up when she told him that she returned the feelings. That man, the man she had loved for seventeen years, the one who had comforted her in the darkest times, the one who made her smile just with the very thought of him, her closest friend was… gone. Gone…

Satine was crying. She was the only one, too. Her sobbing echoed throughout the dark, silent room. All the other Jedi in the room somehow managed to maintain their feelings, each of them sporting expressionless faces. How could they act so calmly?! As if nothing was wrong! As if one of their strongest Jedi Masters, High Generals, Council members… and a close friend and brother hadn't just suddenly been swept away from them. The duchess wanted nothing more than to throw herself onto Obi-Wan's still body and cry her heart out. He was her closest friend, one she trusted the most above anyone, one she had been through Hades and back with, one who would come to her aid no matter the circumstance. Now who could she trust? Who could she call on? Who would stand in front of an army to keep her safe? Who would be there when she needed to cry into someone's shoulder? On multiple occasions, he had wrapped his arms securely around her and let her sob into his shoulder and listened to all of her frustrations without interrupting, and would calm her, gently running his hands through her hair and across her back. Oh, how she wished he could do that now. Whisper in her ear that everything was all right, and he wasn't going to leave her.

Padmé put her hand on her friend's shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, but it was no use. Nothing would ever be okay now. Her knight in shining armor was now lying motionless in front of her with a sacred quilt covering his body. He never told her that he loved her…

No. Satine shook that horrible thought out of her mind. He loved her. He would have left the Order for her if she asked. Why didn't she ask? She didn't ask because the Order meant everything to him, and she couldn't bear to be the cause of tearing him away from it. That was his home. Where he spent most of his life. She would feel awfully selfish if she asked him to leave all that behind just for her. And yet… he would have left it for her. He did love her. And she loved him. And always would…

Another star shot across the city sky as Satine watched it from her bedroom window. Nights were somewhat peaceful on Mandalore. Besides the occasional threat of an assassin trying to break in. She leaned against the window frame and sighed. It has been five days since the funeral, and she hadn't been as lively as she normally was, and her colleagues had noticed immediately. With a heavy heart, she had explained that she had lost someone she had known for a long time, and they offered their condolences. In addition to being devastated, she had lost her appetite, and didn't eat the first two days until her handmaidens had convinced her that she had to for the sake of people who needed her, and she had reluctantly agreed.

The sound of a knock on her door disrupted her thoughts. Who needed her at this hour? Much less be awake. Yes, her guards were constantly up, but they never knocked on her door. Unless something was amiss. Nervously, she answered the door to see one of her guards, but she noticed that his brown eyes were wide. It wasn't fear, but… surprise.

"Milady," the guard greeted, his voice serious, "I apologize for waking you but-"

"No need for apologies," she said, waving her hand dismissively. "I was actually already awake."

"Well, there's…" He swallowed. "I was just told to tell you… you see, I-"

"Enough babbling," she interrupted. "Just tell me."

"A Jedi told me to tell you to meet them at your private landing zone," he blurted.

"What?" she asked incredulously. Why on earth would a Jedi want to meet with her? Perhaps it was Master Skywalker or Ahsoka, but that still wouldn't make too much sense. They had spoken to her at Obi-Wan's funeral. She saw no need for a Jedi to speak with her. "Who was it?"

He hesitated. "Anakin Skywalker."

When she arrived at the landing zone, she saw Anakin, his back turned to them, looking up at the sky. He had on his brown cloak, and the wind tugged at it ever so gently. Motionless he stood while the duchess and her two guards approached him. A sigh was heard from him, and he lowered his head. Then he turned around.

That was most definitely not Anakin Skywalker.

Satine didn't realize she was falling until "Anakin" rushed to her, catching her before she hit the ground. She gaped at the man as he hoisted her up, still holding on to one of her hands.

"Hello, my dear," said Obi-Wan Kenobi.

"Your beard is gone," she stated, dumbstruck.

He laughed, a wonderful sound to hear. "Is that the only thing that's somewhat shocking? You didn't notice that I'm alive?"

"Of course I noticed, idiot!" she exclaimed, slapping him across the face. The move made him freeze on the spot, his mouth slightly open, wondering what he had done wrong to deserve getting slapped. When his shock from her outburst wore off, she fisted her hands in his tunic and pulled him close. "Hold me," she muttered into his chest.

He willingly complied, wrapping his arms securely around her waist, their bodies fully against the other's. "I suppose I should explain," he guessed, pressing his lips to the top of her head.

"You better," she told him threateningly. "I might as well add that you caused me so much grief. Never had I thought that something could completely rip my heart out of my chest like that." When she looked up at him, her eyes were full of sorrow and unshed tears. "Ben, I was so scared. I didn't know what I was going to do."

He smiled ruefully. "You would've gone on without me perfectly well, darling," he told her, removing one hand that had moved to the small of her back to her cheek. "I am truly sorry this affected you the way it did. I should've told you before, but Yoda wouldn't allow it." Letting out a heavy exhale through his nose, he continued, "Now for the… explanation. I had to fake my death so I could go undercover as my 'killer.' Once I was put in prison, I learned of a plot to kill the Chancellor. Through a series of events, I gained the trust of the mastermind of the plot, and Cad Bane who eventually ended up leading the mission. Anyway, to make a long story short, with me on the inside, I told them what the plan was, and the Chancellor was saved."

She nodded slowly, leaning into the palm of his hand slightly. "So, when you went undercover as your killer…"

"That's when I had to shave my beard," he finished for her. "They also shaved my head, too, which looked positively dreadful."

Raising an eyebrow, she asked, "Are you…?"

"Still bald?" He chuckled. "No, they grew my hair back, thankfully. But I wanted to come and let you see me without my beard you so despise one last time."

At his reference to her words a few months ago, she smiled and shook her head. "It's not that I despise it, I just prefer to see your whole face." She turned her hand to press her lips gently into the palm of his hand, then looked back at him.

"Well, now that nothing is hiding my said 'handsome face,'" he said, grinning, "what do you think?"

Returning his grin, she nuzzled her nose against his. "I think you're even more handsome than you were when I first met you sixteen years ago." She sighed. "You're going to grow it back, aren't you?"

He winked at her. "Only for you, darling."

"You're impossible," she said, placing her hand on his bare cheek.

"Yes, I know. But you still put up with me somehow."

"Somehow," she repeated. "It's very difficult."

"Oh, I'm sure," Obi-Wan mused. Then, he placed his hand on hers, keeping it on his cheek so he could relish the feeling of it. Sighing in contentment, he closed his eyes as her hand caressed his skin, a small smile on his lips. Blazes, it had been far to long for either of their liking since they had done this. Far too long he had been away from her arms, and she from his.

"Thinking about changing your mind, my dear?" she asked teasingly.

He cracked an eye open and half smiled at her. "Never." Whining softly, he chased her hand as she drew it away.

"Well, I guess I better go ahead and do this, then before it's too late."

Satine gave him no time to ponder her meaning as her lips brushed against his cheek, pressing short but sweet kisses every now and then. The Jedi let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding as his eyes once again closed at the contact. Subconsciously, he began to rub his cheek against hers, almost shivering at how soft the touch was.

"Force, I've missed this," he whispered, moving his hands to her small waist.

Somehow, their heads moved so their lips were brushing together. They both blushed furiously, but neither of them moved. In fact, they both feared that the other would. So, Obi-Wan waited. But the duchess made no move, which surprised him. She always made the first move. Why wouldn't she this time? When he was just beginning to fear having to make the first move, he felt something wet against his cheek. Opening his eyes, he saw that she was crying. Instinctively, his hand went to her cheek and his thumb wiped away the tear.

"Darling, what's wrong?" he asked gently.

"I don't want you to go," she said, her voice quivering.

Guilt struck him across the face just as Satine's hand had earlier. He hadn't thought of how much it would hurt to leave her. "I don't want to, either," he told her, tears beginning to form in his own eyes. "But even coming here just to see you was pushing it a bit. I would stay a little longer if I could, but we both have things to attend to." He smiled sheepishly. "Besides, I don't think either of us could put up with each other for too long."

She returned the smile, running her hands through his auburn hair. "I suppose you're right. But I do hope we will see each other again under more pleasant circumstances."

"I believe we will," he said. "For now, though, I have to leave, and I'm sure you would like to get some sleep."

She nodded somberly. "Well, see you soon, Master Kenobi."

Despite having said their goodbyes, neither of them moved. They stayed in each other's embrace, their sorrow-filled eyes locked, never wanting to look away. The only noise heard was their simultaneous breathing, and the occasional wind brushing past them, causing Satine to subconsciously snuggle closer to Obi-Wan for warmth. Suddenly the Jedi realized that they were in fact very close to each other, and anyone nearby with prying eyes would've made the assumption that they were kissing. Oh, don't think about that, Kenobi scolded himself. It was too late, however. That single thought had planted the urge inside him to kiss her, and his face flushed, along with the tips of his ears turning pink. He missed his beard in moments like these. Usually it could hide his embarrassment, but now his emotions were fully exposed to the woman in his arms. Unfortunately for him, she seemed to notice, and she didn't quite succeed in suppressing her amusement.

"I suppose I should give you a proper goodbye," she mused with a half-smile.

All thought flew from his mind as Satine's lips sought his and softly pressed into them. Almost stumbling back, his eyes widened at the gesture as hers closed. His mind screamed at him to push her away, but his heart told him to return the act. Silently, he thanked the Force that Anakin wasn't here. His former apprentice would never let him live it down. Thankfully, it was only him, and her. As her kiss became more desperate, longing for him to join in, he couldn't help but comply. For the first time in a long time, Obi-Wan Kenobi shaped his lips against Satine Kryze's. This time, his eyes closed at the calmness that flooded through him, and hers opened at the passion that he had added to the kiss. Not that she was complaining. Finally, with both their eyes closed and their lips moving passionately against the other's, something clicked. A hole was filled. A wound was healed. Both of them felt utterly complete, and they sighed into the other's mouth, tilting their heads for the best angle. Satine's hands migrated up to play with the small strands of copper hair on his neck, while Obi-Wan's hands were on the small of her back, and one tangling in her blonde hair.

After what seemed to be hours, they broke apart, still holding each other as close as they could, greedily filling their lungs with some much needed air. Without even realizing it, they held each other tighter and closer as possible; Satine burying her head in his neck and Obi-Wan pressing his face into her hair. They were both thinking the same thing: the very real possibility that next time, the other might really die. Who knew the next time they were going to be able to see each other? Much less openly embrace like this. As if to brush away the thought, Obi-Wan nuzzled his nose into her hair.

"When will I see you again?" Satine asked timidly. "I know that there's no way for you to know, but…"

"But you're scared we won't see each other again," he concluded. "I sense that we will see each other again soon, but I could be wrong." Tenderly, he cupped her face with his hands and met her eyes. "If you ever need me, please send a message. You have my word, I will see you again." With his forehead pressed against hers and their eyes closed, he added softly, "I promise." One last press of his lips to hers and a crushing embrace, he left, hoping with all of his heart and soul that he would stay true to his commitment.


End file.
